knowing is half the battle...

"Celebrating the win, celebrate what it meant/spend all my time reminiscent cuz that's all that there is/im grown now cant even celebrate the attempt...." So much to say I doubt I'll ever get it all out to the world...thats why I'm appreciative of the 4 or 5 people who get me. Why does our friendship have to be secret? Becuz you are one of two women I truly loved and still do, I'd probably drop everything right now to be with u, but the cost of someone knowing me that well is that they only want to get close to a certain distance (hmmm...not sure if my grammar is correct on that). Anyway ive tried outright telling you this but I don't think u believed me. When u have certain feelings for someone it makes everything awkward. The women who think theyve known me really didn't...I only show the part of myself which I think they can handle. Some people break down over time trying to do this but I actually get better over time almost buying what I'm selling. I tell myself maybe one day someone will develop into the person I need or I'll meet a new person who will open my eyes to something new or at least reminiscent of feelings I had when I was younger. But these days I live in a series of moments hoping for the best, and that "hope" that maybe, just maybe tomorrow will feel better than the previous day is what keeps me going...and that'll have to do...for now... "Sometimes I have this dream..."" "Yea? Like what?" "Nothing...sometimes I have it, that's all..."